You know how some people need to learn to get in touch with their emotions? I'm definitely not one of those people. I know exactly...Read More
All The Feels
In 2012, I wrote a post called Oh, Yeah? Observe This. It’s a recap of all the complicated, messy emotions I’d been feeling that day.
These past few weeks have been challenging ones for David and I. Intellectually, we know that everything is great. Really great. We fulfilled a long-time goal to move to Prague, and so far, it’s as awesome as we hoped it would be. So my logical-brain knows we are fine. But you know how some people need to learn to get in touch with their emotions? I’m not one of those people.
I feel all the feels all the time.
One of the things I learned in therapy, meditation, and yoga is to observe my emotions. It’s a pretty cool trick! I just kind of take a mental step back, focus on the feeling, give it a label, and figuratively turn it over in my hands to examine and explore it. That way, I can deeply feel and recognize the emotion without becoming a slave to it, without (over)reacting. Or, at least, that’s the goal.
I have been suuuuuper moody lately—like a teenage girl who’s happily twirling and hugging you one minute, then stomping off in a huff to slam a door behind her the next. So, in the interest of sharing and cleaning out the muck in my brain (and my heart), here’s how I’m feeling today.
Annoyed with myself. I know I feel so much better when I get out of bed and meditate right away. Why did I skip it this morning? (And why am I not doing it right now?)
Frumpy. The weather in Prague today is gray (again), rainy (again), and cold (again). It makes me want to shuffle around the house in my squishy pants. Which I’m doing. Which makes me feel frumpy.
Worried. I had my first visit with an endocrinologist here, and one of the medications I need isn’t available in the Czech Republic.
Melancholy. It was recently the anniversary of having my thyroid removed, and that—on top of the less-than-empowering visit to the doctor—has me re-living the fear, sorrow, and discomfort of losing that stupid, vital, annoying, tiny, powerful gland.
Shaky. I’m usually pretty resilient, but this year has been challenging in every way: professionally, personally, and in dealing with the external world.
Disgusted. I marched in the Women’s March in New York last January, and I’m having a tremendously hard time dealing with my disappointment, shame, disgust, and outrage around American politics.
Physically strong. Six weeks ago, I committed to a workout-meditation-walking-yoga schedule, and there are Xs all over my calendar that show I’ve stuck to my plan. I’ve been hitting the heavy bag at least once a week at the gym, and it’s very cathartic.
Sad. I’m heartened by the fact that so many men who’ve abused their power are now being held accountable, but I’m very sad for the women who were their victims (and continue to be)—and for all of us, living in a world where this behavior is so common.
Challenged. Czech lessons continue apace, and when we learn a new grammar rule or a new chunk of vocabulary, I worry that the new stuff will displace the things I learned last week.
Excited. Our niece is coming to visit on her winter break from college, and I can’t wait to see her.
Festive. Christmas music is playing on Spotify right now, the Christmas Markets in Prague are open, an ice skating rink opens in Letna Park tomorrow, and on Tuesday, we’re going to Old Town Square to celebrate Mikulaš Night.
A little giddy. I’m working on a new Jane Eyre-related project, and it’s bringing me a lot of joy. The project is completely different from recipe development and food writing, and when I work on it, time just…. poof! evaporates.
Thirsty. I haven’t been drinking enough water.
Tender. I’m trying to keep my heart open, to go easy on myself and others, and to lead with compassion. Note that I said “trying.”
And now I will meditate.