American Idols Live… Meh: A Story in Photos

I’m a big fan of the weekend road trip. Throw a cooler in the car, book a swanky room for cheap on Priceline, catch a rock show, sleep through the night without the interruptions of a zombie cat demanding to be fed, run in a foreign location, brew the complimentary in-room coffee, eat a late breakfast and scope out the locals… love it!

Unfortunately our recent trip to Dallas wasn’t like that.

Perhaps this should have been a tip-off: Our room was #313.
This is the sign outside the third-floor elevator at our [supposedly-swanky, big name] hotel:

I was worried that if I found and entered the unlisted room #313, I would disappear into a time-shifting portal or find myself trapped in a haunted room like John Cusack.

Neither of those things happened. Instead, we found an extremely crappy view:
a busted remote control…
an out-of-order telephone…

… and, while I’m complaining: paper-thin walls, ridiculously uncomfortable mattresses that made me feel like my whole body was a bruise, two full-size beds instead of the one king I reserved, and pillows so thick we were practically sitting up when we were lying down.

The shower was awesome, though.

Then we went to the American Idols Live concert. It was mostly boring. Except for the few moments when it was totally, awesomely, over-the-top awesome with a tremendous awesomeness problem, like this:You already know about the Friday morning workout FAIL. My sourpuss expression was eradicated only by this delicious breakfast at Cafe Brazil. Note that I did not eat the toast or the bananas, but I chowed on the eggs and guacamole and berries.
The food worked its magic; our moods were brightened. We were ready for our pilgrimage to Penzeys. But first, we had to drive through Dallas.

The radio DJ said that Friday was a “Code Orange Alert Day,” and then we saw this ominous sign:I’ve since learned the definition of a Code Orange Alert Day:

Ozone Code Orange Alert Days are called when ozone pollution is predicted to reach unhealthy levels for sensitive groups. When this happens, active children and adults, and people with lung disease, such as asthma should limit prolonged outdoor exertion.

So… that means I should celebrate the workout FAIL? That seems… what’s the word I need?… oh, yeah: WRONG.

Finally, the Sunbutter frosting on top of the gluten-free cake was the rush-hour traffic that greeted us when we hit the Austin border. We spent the last 60 minutes of our road trip covering about 6 miles of terrain, thereby contributing to the Orange Alert status of the planet.

Brilliant.

My ratings:

Hotel: D

American Idols Live concert: D/A, depending on the moment

Driving: D

Food-related willpower: A… I turned down American Airlines Center beer, freshly-baked whole wheat bread, sweet potato homefries, and a lemon+cream cheese kolache.

Texas Air in Summer: F

Penzeys Spices: A+ (read all about it later this week)

Dave’s company: A+