Nine Days In…

Yesterday, I threw myself a little pity party when I walked in the house after work. Truth be told, the pity really started about 4:00 p.m. and continued through my walk to the bus stop, the bus ride home, the walk to my house, and right on through the kitchen door, petting Smudge, hugging Dave, and whining that “I don’t feel like making dinner… wah.

My complaints covered all facets of a modern girl’s life: work, friends, family, public transportation, and, yes, this damned October clean-up. All the maturity I displayed last week – “While gnashing my teeth, I’m also remembering how much I enjoyed my trip and recognizing, as gently as possible, that I have only myself to blame for my current misery.” – dissolved into childish tears.

This was the big finish of my pouty diatribe: “I’ve been eating clean for a whole week now [sniff] and nothing is any different!” [pout, arms folded across chest]

Um, yeah. That’s a lie.

Sleep: Pre-cleanup, I was waking up around 4:00 a.m. every morning. Now I’m sleeping soundly all night until my alarm goes off – and this morning, I enjoyed that awesome experience of waking up two minutes before the alarm. Love that!

sugar monster from Herb Companion

Cravings: Pre-cleanup, the Sugar Monster stalked me all day. He whispered seductively to me at my desk and told me lies like “One bite of a mini-Snickers won’t hurt.” Now my cravings are gone, and I’m content to a few almonds as a treat with my perfectly-dino-chow snack or meal. Today I brought snap peas as “dessert” for my lunch.

Workouts: My first post-Prague workout was Monday, and it was very rough to face the clock, the dumbbells, and the plyo box. The pushups in the warmup nearly did me in. At today’s workout, I felt energized and optimistic. Our WOD included cleans and snatches – and I was delighted to find I could snatch 55# this morning, the exact same weight I used in a workout in August. My legs were a little creaky on air squats, and pushups were Hard, but I didn’t backslide as much as I thought during my month of hedonism. Now that my diet is cleaned up, all systems are firing much better.

Mood: Pre-cleanup, I was sad (to leave Prague), overwhelmed (to think about re-engaging with healthy habits), and moody (the transition from sugar-energy to fat-energy is never pretty). After my mini-meltdown last night – and some pretty badass TLC from Dave – I woke up energized and feeling optimistic about the remaining three months of 2010.

Belly: Oh! The little round belly. In my imagination for the last two weeks, I’ve been a ‘big girl’ again. My internal picture of myself can easily revert to one from four years ago or, when it’s really bad, 20 years ago. Last night, I sat on the couch and affectionately poked my belly with a forefinger: “boing! boing!” But this morning, I put on a cute dress and my favorite boots, assessed myself in the mirror and thought, “Not too bad.” I’m sure it’s just exercise-induced euphoria, but my belly doesn’t seem to be sticking out as much as it was last week, and I’ll take that.

In case you’re interested, here’s the workout we did this morning:

3 sets:
8 Romanian deadlift, lower for 4-count, up for 1 (55#)
rest :30
2 power clean + 5 press, up for 3-count, lower for 1 (55#)
rest :90

[I’ve never done Romanian DL before; they were fun. And oh! I love presses!]

7 rounds:

2 power snatch (55#)
:30 air squats
:30 jump rope
rest 1:00
[I could definitely feel the month off during the air squats, but the snatches felt AWESOME.]

If you’re still reading all the way down here, treat yourself and look at the fun returns from a Google search for “sugar monster.”

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  • meghan says:

    Oh Melissa, I just read that photo post for the first time. What an incredible, incredible change. And now that I see where you've come from I can truly say that your ability to maintain perspective in the face of a month of hedonism is so admirable. My trainer always tells me that if I eat a bad meal to just "enjoy it and hope back on the wagon for the next meal" but it's hard to get out of the vicious mental cycle.

    You, m'dear, are the bomb.

  • Kara says:

    Mel…I hear you sister….I have been on a 2 week path of (self) destruction. FINALLY today I realized ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Time to pull up my big girl panties and get on with it. I am done feeling sorry for myself and the way I feel and look; my jeans are squeezing me and I feel like a total fatty. BUT, I know I am to blame and no one else. I am here for you though if you need it! I know what you are going through! But the good thing is, eating clean is wonderful and thankfully, it doesn't take long to see changes. 🙂 You are my inspiration today!

  • Lydia says:

    Congratulations! Pity parties are sometimes necessary. If for no other reason than to give us a chance to listen to ourselves so we can realize how pathetic we sound.

    I think the soft belly thing must be in the atmosphere or something. I woke up with a poof this morning, too, and I've been eating 100% clean for nearly three months now. So I don't know what the eff is going on. And of course I have belly dance performances both days this weekend. AWESOME.

    I'm glad to hear your sugar demons are already slinking away. They're the worst. Good riddance, sugar demons!

  • Melissa 'Melicious' Joulwan says:

    Meghan –> Those photos are kinda crazy, right?! I agree, the mental cycle is hard to break, but I *think* I've finally gotten a handle on it… only took 42 years! 😉

    Kara –> Good for you, sister. Best wishes for the strength to eat clean and take good care of yourself. And thank you so much for the words of support.

    Lydia –> Aren't women's bodies fascinating? (And by 'fascinating' I mean 'annoying.') At least when I eat clean I can *almost* predict what my body is going to do; prior to cleaning up my diet it just felt completely out of my control. Have fun dancing this weekend! I'm sure you're going to be beautiful and awesome.

  • CC says:

    hey! two things:

    1) your coconut chicken curry recipe is killer (my husband, a dino-chow skeptic, enthusiastically agrees); and

    2) THANK YOU for being so encouraging yesterday… i felt as spazzy and frail as bambi on ice during that WOD. thanks for reminding me that this is a process, as occasionally frustrating as it may be. you're an inspiration, melicious!

  • Melissa 'Melicious' Joulwan says:

    Hi, CC! I'm so glad you like the chicken curry. I LOVE when dino-chow tastes so good, you forget you're eating according to a bunch of "rules."

    And sister, you are far from spazzy. This stuff is SO hard… especially the snatch. Holy cow! That thing is complicated. Looking forward to working out with you!

  • Marcy says:

    So encouraging. I constantly have to remind myself to focus on the progress and not the stuff that isn't exactly how I want it.

    I was pouting yesterday because I'm going to have a little trouble fitting into my dress for a trash-the-dress shoot thanks to my cooperative belly, then I remembered how much more toned I am and my posture has improved and I don't walk pigeon-toed… I'm going to be beautiful in those pictures!!

  • Melissa 'Melicious' Joulwan says:

    Marcy! #1. What's a trash-the-dress? and #2. PLEASE share photos when you have them.

    Love your attitude. Have SO much fun!

  • Marcy says:

    I encourage you to do a Google image search for trash the dress, but the general idea is that you go do stuff in your wedding dress that you wouldn't dare do before the wedding, like stand in the ocean, or climb trees.

    Ours is supposed to be a farming-themed one, since I'm into self-sufficiency projects, so I'd be painting my chicken coop, chasing hens, collecting eggs, digging in the garden, etc, all in my formal gown and veil with pretty hair and makeup.

    I will definitely share pictures.

  • Melissa 'Melicious' Joulwan says:

    Marcy –> How fun! Can't wait to see the photos.