Pouty-Pants is on the Bad Mood Bullet Train to Crankytown

I’m not feeling like myself, and I wasn’t going to post today. The way I see it, part of my responsibility with my blog is to help y’all feel good, get motivated, be enthusiastic, and maybe pick up something useful from my celebrations and setbacks.

I don’t feel at all embarrassed about sharing a workout fail or a specific eating challenge, but days like today – when I’m just kind of meh and infused with doubt and self-criticism – I feel like I’m letting y’all down.

But I decided to update after all ’cause talking to you good people always makes me feel better. And perhaps my misery will be somehow instructive, amusing, or helpful to one of you.

In no particular order, I’m feeling:

  • overwhelmed by the corporate overlords
  • impatient with the snail’s pace of my weight loss
  • anxious about my ability to fulfill Mission 17
  • pessimistic about learning to do unassisted pullups
  • frustrated that my body doesn’t yet reflect my commitment to Dino-Chow and CrossFit the way I want it to (Photos from the UTB show that I was working hard at the workout, but I think I still look pudgy, and it makes me angry.)
  • annoyed that I haven’t slept well in a few days

Basically, if there’s a thing about which I can freak out, I’m freaking. If there’s a bludgeon with which I can beat myself, I’m bludgeoning. I’ve had several busy, stressful weeks at work – and an action-packed weekend with my family visiting from Pennsylvania – and I’m just… tired.

I’m sharing this, not because I want sympathy (although if you’ve got it, I’ll take it!) but because I want y’all to know that even a dressed-to-kill, glossy-haired, tart-tongued, rock-n-roll, hardboiled detective in-training like me occasionally gets trapped in self-doubt quicksand.

How to get out? CrossFit and dino-chow. It’s really the only way.

Tomorrow morning is our CrossFit Total assessment. I’ve been looking forward to improving on my last attempt. But right now, that’s making me nervous, too. I’m being so pouty-pants, I’m getting on my own nerves. But this is my promise to you (and to me): I’ll eat dino-chow for dinner and go to sleep early, then I’ll get my whiney-self up at 5:15 a.m. tomorrow, sing to the radio on the way to class, and lift some heavy shit as best I can.

I might even try to smile while I do it.

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  • Amber says:

    *peeks at pictures*

    Girl! Look at those gorgeous arms! You are having a GOOD time, and you look AWESOME! I keep kicking myself because I don't have that long lean look of someone who's been doing this for years, and then I remember, it's been 3 MONTHS, I need to breathe and take it a day at a time 🙂 We're doing testing too these few weeks, have fun! I'm looking forward to it!

  • J.Spice says:

    Hi Melicious,

    I feel this is a good opportunity to introduce myself. Hi, I am Jenn or known as "J.Spice" over at Crossfit 603. I am Moxy-Boss' partner in crime…fashion, fitness and friendship. I think you are awesome! I talk about you everyday to Melissa. I really relate to your weight loss struggles and love for leopard print. I feel like my life is an exact replica of your history with food and working out. I really find your blog inspirational and motivational everyday. You look awesome. Dino-chow is slow, but worth it totally!
    Thank you for blogging.
    P.S. I keep bugging Melissa about a road trip to visit you and Crossfit Central:)

  • Aaron says:

    Hang in there Mel, keep eating that dino-chow and go heavy tomorrow!! And remember that nervous is good – it helps your body get ready to work! Go set some PRs tomorrow, you can do it!

  • Melicious says:

    Thanks for the pep talk, Aaron! I'll let you know how it goes.

    Amber, thanks for the compliment. Good luck with your assessments!

  • Mindy says:

    Hey Mel!!

    I am sorry you are having what Maggie and I call a "grump" day. I felt like that all last week, maybe it's a paleo transition thing? Our body detoxing? Then again, mine could've been pms. lol. All I know though is that all day I was refreshing my darn browser waiting to see your post for today and everytime I saw that it wasn't updated, I got more and more worried about you and sad. I am really glad you ended up posting tonight. I think people find a sense of calmness when they realize they aren't alone and realize that even hardcore dino-chower, cfer, and someone who is always positive, has tough days as well. It makes us see how real and genuine you are and that you don't bs anyone and most importantly, that you aren't afraid to expose your feelings. This may surprise you, but posts like this are extremely inspiring and touching. We all love you very much and you give us so much encouragement that you deserve some encouragement as well!! So don't hesitate to write about your "grump" days, we all have them and one of the best ways to get through them is with support from those who care about you. We are here to motivate you just as much as you motivate us =) Keep your head up high, you are super fit and soo hot. You know how much of a role model you are for me and so many others. You are amazing and are gonna kick ass at totals tomorrow!! Don't worry, this slump will pass.. stay positive, I promise you, things WILL get better!! and you will reach your goals. Give time, time =) see you in the morning!!!

    Love to you,
    Mindy =)

  • Jessica Sharratt says:

    Mel – I feel your pain girl! If you want a sympathy vote..you got mine 😉 I think that "doubt and self-criticism" is called being a GIRL. It sucks but you know that it is silly and will go away and you'll feel like your rock star self in no time! Get some rest and keep on truckin, you are on the right track and as always an inspiration to many.

    Get some rest and lift the hell out of that weight tomorrow! Maybe even growl while doing it haha.

  • Team CS says:

    Hey! For someone having a grump day yesterday, as I was, I couldn't even tell this morning. You were so positive and on track about lifting. You did fantastic!

    Am I at all surprised about that? Not really. 🙂

    Dead lifts have another thing coming on Thursday. (insert mean face)


  • Melicious says:

    J.Spice! I somehow missed your comment yesterday. AWESOME to hear from you. And yeah, we got your guest room ready whenever you and the Moxy-Boss are ready for a trip south. We'll go paleo with the BBQ'd meat then fall off the wagon with a margarita!

    Mindy, you're a peach. Thanks for the hug in the shape of a blog comment 😉

    Jessica, you're more right than you know. I'm definitely in the midst of hormone poisoning. Being a girl SUCKS some days. (But sometimes the boobies are fun to have.)

    Carla, I was totally faking this morning. But I'm glad I didn't ruin your workout with my internal bad attitude. I'm looking forward to crushing the DLs on Thursday. Big hug to you! Nice work on your pullups this morning!

  • Anonymous says:

    cool blog!