Did you hear that? It was the sound of me bashing my own skull against my coffee table. There I was, sipping Bengal Spice tea,...Read More
Pouty-Pants is on the Bad Mood Bullet Train to Crankytown
I’m not feeling like myself, and I wasn’t going to post today. The way I see it, part of my responsibility with my blog is to help y’all feel good, get motivated, be enthusiastic, and maybe pick up something useful from my celebrations and setbacks.
I don’t feel at all embarrassed about sharing a workout fail or a specific eating challenge, but days like today – when I’m just kind of meh and infused with doubt and self-criticism – I feel like I’m letting y’all down.
But I decided to update after all ’cause talking to you good people always makes me feel better. And perhaps my misery will be somehow instructive, amusing, or helpful to one of you.
In no particular order, I’m feeling:
- overwhelmed by the corporate overlords
- impatient with the snail’s pace of my weight loss
- anxious about my ability to fulfill Mission 17
- pessimistic about learning to do unassisted pullups
- frustrated that my body doesn’t yet reflect my commitment to Dino-Chow and CrossFit the way I want it to (Photos from the UTB show that I was working hard at the workout, but I think I still look pudgy, and it makes me angry.)
- annoyed that I haven’t slept well in a few days
Basically, if there’s a thing about which I can freak out, I’m freaking. If there’s a bludgeon with which I can beat myself, I’m bludgeoning. I’ve had several busy, stressful weeks at work – and an action-packed weekend with my family visiting from Pennsylvania – and I’m just… tired.
I’m sharing this, not because I want sympathy (although if you’ve got it, I’ll take it!) but because I want y’all to know that even a dressed-to-kill, glossy-haired, tart-tongued, rock-n-roll, hardboiled detective in-training like me occasionally gets trapped in self-doubt quicksand.
How to get out? CrossFit and dino-chow. It’s really the only way.
Tomorrow morning is our CrossFit Total assessment. I’ve been looking forward to improving on my last attempt. But right now, that’s making me nervous, too. I’m being so pouty-pants, I’m getting on my own nerves. But this is my promise to you (and to me): I’ll eat dino-chow for dinner and go to sleep early, then I’ll get my whiney-self up at 5:15 a.m. tomorrow, sing to the radio on the way to class, and lift some heavy shit as best I can.
I might even try to smile while I do it.