Punk Rock @ Heart

With apologies to Mike Ness, Elvis Costello, Joe Strummer (RIP), Jim Lauderdale, The Ramones, Hank Williams, David Humphreys, and other songwriters I love to distraction… I’m going to the American Idol concert in Dallas tonight.

Feel free to mock in the comments, but before you do, read my rationale.

Why I Can’t Help Loving American Idol
1. The earnestness
Mock all you like, there’s something endearing about fresh-faced kids – who don’t yet know the realities of car insurance and mortgage payments – singing their guts out. I’m a longtime chorus geek (ask me about the American Music Abroad Choir sometime), and I can’t wondering what might have been if American Idol was around when I was a teenager.

2. The cheese
The lighting! The fog machine! The costumes! The emoting! Give yourself over to it, people, and enjoy the ride.

3. The judges
Oh, Randy! I love when you say, “The thing about this song for me for you for me…” DUDE! It’s barely English, but it just doesn’t get better than that. And Simon… dear, cranky, “put some hair product in your hair” Simon, thank you for having the lack of empathy that allows you to say out loud, often rudely, what the rest of us are thinking. Oh! And get a crewneck shirt; the v-neck is a no-go.

4. The faux love
Dear contestants, you wouldn’t be on the show if you didn’t want to win. Please don’t bother with the air kisses, the hugs, and the declarations of lifelong friendship. Show us your claws, kids!

5. The theme song

6. The finale show special guests
Queen! SHUT UP! Are you kidding me with this sh*t?! Talk about a major awesomeness problem.

7. Adam Lambert
He’s Elvis for the new Millennium: eyeliner, glam costumes, rad hair, and that soaring voice. Bring. it. on.
8. Punk rock
Angry, distorted, 3-minute rage sounds best on the heels of some over-the-top pop, just to remind you what time it really is. I’ll take a sip of sugar with a gravel chaser, please.