RED ALERT! RED ALERT!

There is a delicious dark chocolate cake with dark chocolate buttercream frosting sitting 20 feet away from me… a going-away party treat for a co-worker.

I had one bite.

ONE.

Really.

Just one.

And it was normal-sized, too.

One, normal-sized bite of, like, the best f*cking chocolate cake ever.

I’m now walking away to go to my meeting and eat pork chops and cabbage and a grapefruit and almonds.

Let them eat cake. Pffft. Not on my watch.

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