Coming Clean On Going Clean

Coming Clean
So… I ditched my commitment to the Whole30 over the weekend… and I enjoyed every second of it. My parents and I shared bottles of good red wine on their sunny deck while they told me about their Italian adventures. I ate some very good dark chocolate, and yesterday, at a Turkish restaurant in Philadelphia, I indulged in fresh-from-the-oven pita bread (a tiny triangle) and best-I’ve-ever-had baklava (a hefty piece, truth be told… warm from the oven, packed with pistachios, not too sweet).

For the majority of the weekend, I ate delicious, homemade dino-chow. I did some tough workouts, and I slept a fair amount. All good stuff. And the wine and chocolate and indulging in a few delicious treats with my parents was good stuff, too. It was relaxing and vacation-y and just indulgent enough to feel like TLC, not food abuse.

This morning, I felt a tickle of guilt when I read the Whole9 post from Melissa and Dallas about staying true to the Whole30 commitment over the holiday weekend. But then I stopped. My commitment to the Whole30 this time was made to heal myself because my life – at the risk of sounding melodramatic – has been fractured in a way I never anticipated. I don’t need the Whole30 to fine-tune my nutrition, but I do need it to help myself heal from the inside out.

I’m working to find a new balance between “hard core dino-chow CrossFitter” and “I want to crawl inside a bag of Doritos and lie on the couch until I feel better”… and the way to do that, for me, right now, is to step away from the wine bottle, to say “not right now” to the dark chocolate, and to focus on the basics: protein, vegetables, some fruit, and delicious, lovely fats.

Going Clean
Today, my commitment to the Whole30 is renewed because my weekend get-away helped me feel, if not totally restored, at least partially rejuvenated. I’ve eaten like a dino-chow champ so far today: chicken sausage with summer squash and coconut oil, baby organic peaches, snap peas, and olives. And I have my workout for tomorrow lined up, courtesy of Bonita:

For Time:
50 sit ups
50 double unders
50 sit ups
50 walking lunges
50 sit ups
50 box jumps
50 sit ups

How are YOU doing?

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  • Lory says:

    I indulged in a margarita and some dark chocolate this weekend so instead of today being day 8, it may be day 1. But I don't want the Whole30 to be a "challenge" for me. It's about clean, healthy eating and being at day 8 (ish) has me feeling strong and energetic which is where I need to be! But I'm here to do it with you if we're both back at day 1 🙂

    Have a blast doing that wod, it's a fun one! I'm looking forward to the wods Bonita is getting together for us this summer!

  • Melissa 'Melicious' Joulwan says:

    Hey, Lory! I agree: this is less "challenge" than "take good care of myself" but I do want to do a 30-day string, so yes, today is Day 1. Again.

    June 1 through June 30. With the option to renew for another 30 after that 😉

  • Jesse Richards says:

    Been getting kicked repeatedly by life right now, but making good food decisions day to day. The funny thing is that the more the dark chocolate calls my name, the more I know that it's psychological, not any actual desire for it. Good to see you're not beating yourself up, sounds like an amazing weekend!

    Also, yikes! Have fun with that metcon. Would probably take me over half an hour (stupid doubleunders!)

  • Melissa 'Melicious' Joulwan says:

    My double-unders are always "double-under attempts"… I make about half of them. Not too bad considering how positively vicious they are!

  • Stephanie Vincent says:

    I think your experience this weekend was totally worth it. The fact that your are conscious about your body and food, at a place where you would have totally lost yourself in the past is…is amazing. ITs funny how clearly we can see the patterns NOW.

    After reading a WHOLE 9 post (the one before the holiday weekend warning one) I decided that i needed to kick my brains sweet habit and do a 30 day removal of natural sugars from my already refined sugar free diet in JUNE. Yesterday I felt crappy about how I ate, i realize it is becasue of my motivations i had to eat. i ate every piece of fruit I could get my hands on, becuase i knew i couldn't have in for the next 30 days. i realized that even though i was eating relativly GOOD food, the intention and motivates behind things make a world of difference.

    My main motivation with food is now to nurish my body, pleasure is second. Pleasure used to be the be all and the end all to things.

  • Melissa 'Melicious' Joulwan says:

    Hey, Stephanie… it's true. My decision to kick the Whole30 for the weekend was 100% deliberate, and therefore, 100% enjoyable. I have definitely learned a lot about how to eat in the last few years. What a relief!

    Good luck with your sugar-free 30. Keep us posted on how you're doing!

  • michele says:

    i fear a food challenge the most, which means (of course) it's the thing i need to do the most.

  • Melissa 'Melicious' Joulwan says:

    Michele, if you're going to tackle a big dietary change, it's great to do it with other people. Jump on the Whole30 and give it a shot. Lots of support over there, tons of great advice.

  • Tra says:

    i just ate a whole pan of corn bread. literally. and now i feel a) sick and b) renewed in my whole 90 commitment. i needed this post today because i was depressed, and hearing it from someone that is turning into a positive outlook….thank you very much.

  • Melissa 'Melicious' Joulwan says:

    Oh, Tra! I'm sure it tasted totally good going in… does it feel like a kettlebell in your belly? Whenever I eat a hamburger bun, I feel like I swallowed a kettlebell.

    I'm sorry to hear the corn bread gotcha. But go easy on yourself. Right this second, right NOW, is a fresh start. You're going to be good. Ride this out and embrace that fresh commitment.

  • Jen Sinkler says:

    1) Been loving your blog as a lurker to this point. 🙂 2) But when I saw you gave a shout-out to the Kebab House, I had to pipe up with a hellllll yeah! I knew where your link was going to lead as soon as I read your description of the baklava. 😀 A friend and I stumbled on the place about a month ago during a photo shoot, and the proprietor let the two of us sample everything they'd just photographed. (Can't say I'd have tried every dessert under any other circumstances…) Naturally, I've been again since. Deeeelish. And, as you point out, absolutely worth it, when you make the conscious decision to indulge occasionally.

  • dazzlingbetty says:

    Hi! May I ask a question about snap peas? I keep reading that peas = not paleo but then think that everyone's life is improved by fresh snap peas, especially those that one grew oneself in one's own garden. Any thoughts on that?

  • Melissa 'Melicious' Joulwan says:

    Jen –> Glad you came out of the shadows to comment 🙂 How fun that you know the Kebab House! We wanted to have that crazy dessert that's phyllo dough wrapped around cheese and soaked in rose water, but they were out of it. However, the baklava was a fine replacement. Like a cloud of goodness.

    DazzlingBetty –> My take on snap peas is straight from the brain of Melissa Urban: snap peas are way more pod than pea, they're green, they have vitamins and minerals and fiber, therefore, they are Whole9 approved. I just do what she tells me 😉