"Junk Drawer" Workouts

So… I don’t want to brag or anything, but… f*ck it. I’m gonna brag!

My CrossFit Central coaches are now officially known as the 3rd fittest woman in the world — hello, Carey Kepler! — and the 9th fittest woman in the world — hey, Crystal McReynolds! I feel quite blessed and fortunate to have these ladies kicking my ass a few times every week.

On Sunday,the final workout at the CrossFit Games was what I like to call a “junk drawer” workout. You know the ones: they’re just an insane number of reps of a mish-mash of CrossFit favorites.

I imagine the planning conversation like this:

Coach 1: “You know what would be good? Muscle-ups!”

Coach 2: “Ooooo, yeah. Cool! And burpees. There should be some burpees.”

Coach 3: “Yeah, burpees are good. But you know what I love? Box jumps!”

Coach 1: “I’ve been thinking… knees-to-elbows are too easy. Let’s make them do toes-to-bar!”

Coach 3: “Dude. That’s insane… OK!”

Coach 2, whining like a little bitch: “But what about double-unders? My double-unders are hot. I’ve been working and working on them…”

Coach 1: “Fine, double-unders, too. But… f*ck. We gotta get some barbell shit in there.”

And they end up with this as the final workout of the weekend:
I think Carey was inspired – or wanted to give us a taste of the misery– because this morning, our whiteboard said this:

CrossFit Women
For time, 25:00 cutoff

25 pullups
50 kettlebell swings, 16kg
100m walking lunges
25R/25L kettlebell snatch, 10kg
25 double-unders
50 knees-to-elbows
50 situps
400m run

Because I’d done the 29-minute monster yesterday morning, I was less-than-excited when I saw the list. But tomorrow is a rest day, so I (wo)manned up and hit it. My pullups were really, really, VERY sad. Pathetic. Like, one at a time pathetic. But I did them.

The knees-to-elbows were also… what’s the word I’m looking for? Oh, yeah: a joke. I SUCK at them. But I did all those f*ckers, too. Two and three at a time until I got really frustrated, angrily rubbed chalk on my hands, decided I was not letting go of the bar, and did sets of five until they were done — never letting go of that f*cking bar for the last 20 or so. (I listened to Social Distortion on the way to and from the gym today, and I’m wearing a Social D t-shirt, and I’ve felt like saying “f*ck” a lot all day… think they’re related?!)

My double-unders? GORGEOUS this morning. I got eleven in a row before I whipped my calves with the rope. Hello, PR.

I had, like, 5 situps left when the coaches yelled, “One minute left.” So I hauled ass out the door (kinda) to do the run. I was almost back to the gym when I heard them call time, so I technically had a DNF. But F*CK that. I finished that sucker… somewhere between 25 and 26 minutes.

Tomorrow, I rest. And I’m going out to Habanero for breakfast.

Yeah.