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Read MoreSo… Maybe a Little Less Whining
You are so very lucky because you get only a little bit of me at the time of your choosing – instead of the full-bore, hell-on-wheels (maybe in a good way or maybe in a bad way, depending on the day) live version of me.
For the past week or so, I have been unpleasant. As I mentioned on Monday, there’s been pouting. And foot stomping. And crying… oh, the crying! I even sprouted some salt drops mid-sprint this morning. Mid. Sprint.
So entirely lame.
All of my recent negativity is centered around a self-indulgent whine that goes something like this:
[sniff] It’s not FAIR. [foot stomp] I eat Whole30 almost all the time [sniff], and I go to bed before I want to so I can get eight hours of sleep, and I work out SO hard [sniff] and nothing… NOTHING is happening with my body.
And then I blot my mascara with a tissue, hoping that my eyeliner isn’t running down my face and that if it is running down my face, I look tragic and pretty, instead of horrible and smeary.
And then I guiltily remember the blog post I wrote about being the best versions of ourselves – and I meant every word of it – but man! it can be hard to remember sometimes. And then there’s the fact that I’m only partially in control of my emotions ’cause of my broke-ass thyroid. Harumph.
So, yeah, I’ve been a real barrel of laughs – and I say THANK YOU to the people like Dave and Tristy and Stacey who do see me every day, and have been patient and kind during this less than awesome time.
And now, I will do my level best to stop wallowing and return to my chin-thrust-forward-in-defiance-of-thyroid-and-universe stance.
But this morning, I was still all about the whining… and then I learned that while I was complaining about my body not changing, my body was changing.
I’m wearing a pair of jeans today that were too tight to wear comfortably when I went to Prague in September. I haven’t worn them since. And while I was not wearing them, my body was getting just a little leaner because now they fit great.
Also, on January 17, we did a Circle of Awesomeness Challenge workout, and today, we repeated it to see how we’d improved. While I was doing the sprints and the pullups, I was thinking, This is stupid. My thyroid’s not cooperating, and I know I’m not going to see any improvement. Maybe I shouldn’t even do the stupid tests because I’m not going to win, and I’m not going to have better scores so WHATEVER.
I was thinking that while I was doing the freaking pullups and sprints.
THAT IS RIDICULOUS! WHY WOULD I DO THAT?! THINKING ABOUT HOW STUPID IT IS TO SABOTAGE MYSELF LIKE THAT IS MAKING ME YELL.
So, anyway. When I got back to my computer, I checked my previous results.
January 17
Best 200m sprint = 31 seconds
Total pullups (white band) = 9
Today
Best 200m sprint = 29 seconds
Total pullups (white band) = 16
Looks like things are happening. A little bit. And slowly. But that’s a little taste of improvement, and since improvement is as delicious as veggies and meat cooked in coconut oil, I’ll take. And I’ll continue to strive to be the best version of me.
Minus the whining.
Unless I really, really need to whine.
And then I will do it with my whole heart.
For a little while.
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I so hear you on this topic and I love your honesty. We are our own worst critics in life when we should focus on being a cheerleader instead. Keep up the hard work and the awesome blog!
I *heart* you for this post! You have no idea how much this girl, all the way on the other side of the world, needed to read this right now. You are changing lives, girl. Keep it up. And, hey, we all need to whine now and then 😉
I'm going to say, and I don't know you (so you can tell me to shut up anytime), but your body is going to believe what you tell it. The bitch in my own head that tells me I can't do stuff? She's on my hit list. In fact, she's the only one that's on my hit list.
Kill the bitch that says your body isn't changing. Or give her a new script.
Lately I have been finding it helpful to verbalize my frustrations so I can realize how unreasonable they are.
Yesterday I was in full self-pity, tearful, fed up mode. My husband took me out for a grass-fed burger and I kept thinking about the desserts at that diner. I was thinking, man, avoiding gluten is so inconvenient and I probably got cross-contamination anyway, so I should just give up, then I can have some pie and a milkshake.
Then I realized how ridiculous my train of thought was, we went across the street to the grocery store, and I loaded up on grass-fed meat for the rest of the week.
That's the final straw chick. Meet me in the parking lot. I have a pull-up bar in my house and my goal is to do one…just one. And you can do 16!!!
On second thought, forget it…I will NOT be waiting on you in the parking lot! 🙂
Can I put you in my pocket, and take you everywhere with me?!?!
Thank you for your honesty and humor. You friggin' rock my world! =)
You rule Melissa!!! Rock those jeans!!! 🙂
Thank you for this post! I'm new to your blog, but I needed to read this today. I've lost 60 pounds (thanks to paleo) and have been crossfitting for about 5-6 weeks….and I feel like a weenie sometimes during crossfit. I forget to look at the big picture and expect results right away….it's good to see I'm not alone!
Oh, baby, baby. I know! It sucks so much. My emotions have been all effed up since November, when my thyroid started acting up again. Circumstances have *not* conspired to help my moods (including putting my kitty to sleep in January).
I'm seeing a new doctor and am trying to think positive about finding lasting results with him. I am trying not to beat myself up over my near-complete lack of exercise since the start of the year. My eating is 100% on track, at least.
But, anyway, much sympathy for you. I know exactly how you feel. I hate-hate-hate feeling like I have such limited control over my body and my brain. And, like you, I love-love-love having a good partner who puts up with me and encourages me when I'm slumping.
Congratulations on those jeans and the pull-ups, though! That's fantastic!
I'm going through the same thing. I always have used the scale as my measuring stick, but it seems now that I'm getting older (almost 39), the scale doesn't budge. When it does, it doesn't last long… the next day, I'm back to where I started. I am down 1 size from when I started CF a year ago, and my body has morphed into a much tighter, stocky superhero, but I sure would like to weigh less. 🙂 ~Karyn
Thanks for posting this. I needed it so much right now when I lost just 2 pounds and a few inches in the CFC challenge. My body IS changing and I AM getting stronger and better. I have lots of compliments to prove it. My jeans fit different. I don't WANT to eat grains any more because they make me feel like crap. And you are wonderful for reminding me that all of that matters even if it's a slow change.
Everyone –> You are such a great support system for me. Thank you for your kind words and being patient when I indulge in a (short-lived) pity party. I'm glad to know that my full disclosure helps you through challenging days, too. This stuff we try to do — training, eating clean, getting lean, pursuing our passions — can be REALLY HARD. Nice to know we can stick together and survive the bumps.
indigo warrior –> You are 100% correct… the stories we tell ourselves become our reality. Which is why I was really losing patience with myself yesterday. Thanks for the reminder to tell the mean inner voice to shut up. SUPPORTIVE inner voices only!
Marcy –> That's a great idea! Saying the silly stuff aloud that our inner voice is whispering to us is an excellent way to show how lame those comments can be. LOVE that idea!
Patty –> Those pullups are with the white band, so I still have a way to go until I'm doing them unassisted. I tried one yesterday and it was like putting on the brakes 🙂 But someday…
Kaysie –> I would love to ride around in your pocket. How fun!
Cindy –> Congratulations on your successes! Keep on going, fabulous lady!
Lydia –> Good golly! Thyroids… WTF?!?!?! I'm glad to hear you're not beating yourself over not exercising. Clean food is the best way to take care of yourself while you sort out the special thyroid challenges. Be strong, friend… and when you need to not be strong, do that, too. I'm so sorry to hear about your kitty, too. Big love to you, sweet pea.
Karyn –> I'm a stock superhero, too. We should form a league of stocky superheroes! Our secret phrase could be something like, "We're not tall… but when we kick you in the shins, we kick REALLY hard."
Amy –> It's SO hard to live with slow change — but that's the most lasting kind, too. We can do it! It's like a chipper workout… we just keep chipping away by doing what we need to and not thinking about the end result. GooooOOOOOO, AMY!
A very dear friend sent me to this post yesterday as it was exactly what I was feeling! I too have thyroid issues (8 year cancer survivor) and am post-menopausal at 44! I have been a Crossfitter for 2 years and am currently in my second Paleo challenge at my gym. I was lamenting my lack of "progress" and "results" and whining like you. Then I actually took stock of my changes and discovered: 4 new weighlifting PR's, 9 pounds lost, and 3 1/2 inches lost from my waistline! All in 4 weeks! My problem seems to be that my eyes don't accurately see what the mirror reflects. Still working on that! Thank you for your honesty and willingness to post your thoughts and feelings!
CrossFit Sue –> I'm SO glad you commented… it's nice to meet you… and if I was talking to you in person, I'd be holding your hand right now. Congratulations on surviving thyroid cancer; I had a large nodule removed two years ago, hence my fun-time thyroid issues. It wasn't cancer, which is a relief, but the fallout from the surgery has been pretty tough. My partial thyroid conked out and we're still sorting our doses, etc. Plus, I'm 42, so impossible to sort out what's thyroid related, what's part of aging, etc., etc. I feel you, sister.
Congratulations on CrossFitting and eating paleo. Those two things alone are accomplishments… and your successes with PRs, weight loss, and inches gone are icing on the superstar-that-you-are cake. Way to go! For real.
Stay in touch and let me know how you're doing… and trust that eventually your eyes will catch up with what the rest of the world sees: you are a badass of the best kind.