Dumb Broad

So… this is what the Spartan Workout assignment sheet said I should do today:

1 round for time:
400m run
40 burpees
400m skip
40 dumbbell clean, 20lbs.
400m broad jump
40 sumo deadlift high pulls, 20lbs.
400m run
40 squats

I said “Oh, no!” and my voice broke a little bit like a sob when I read the workout. Dave, in another room, asked if I was OK, sounding alarmed. The 400m broad jump looked awful on paper. It seemed so bad, I dreamt about it last night.

In reality, it was as terrible as I thought it would be. So bad, in fact, that the demon sitting on my shoulder convinced me that what I was doing couldn’t possibly be right. There’s NO WAY they want me to do standing broad jumps over and over and over for 400m. That would take FOREVER. They must have meant big, bounding leaps, like a gazelle in slow motion, right? So I did that for about 50m, but that didn’t feel right either. Too easy. So I devolved into doing 10 standing broad jumps, then 10 walking lunges for a total for 250m, convinced the whole time I was doing it wrong, but unable to dig deep enough into my stubbornness to actually complete 400m of standing broad jumps. I have email out to my CrossFit gurus to confirm what they intended. Stay tuned for an update with I get the scoop.

The broad jumps were so traumatic, they made the 40 burpees seem fun in comparison.

Let me tell you about the burpees. I did those 10 at a time, too. And after the first 20, my black foam mat was so sweaty, it was slick. My hands were sliding around that thing like Bambi on a frozen pond. So I took a quick break to get a towel to put the mat, and I’m not ashamed to say I walked to get the damn towel, I didn’t even pretend to sprint to get it. With much huffing and puffing and cussing under my breath, I muscled through the burpees. And I got pretty low on the pushups, too, with my elbows folded back like chicken wings. Not bad.

I felt ridiculous skipping down my street when I was alone, a feeling that was not improved by seeing my neighbor Mr. Swenson leaving the house for his morning walk and knowing that he was seeing me, too… skipping. The dumbbell cleans and the sumo deadlift high pulls were more challenging than usual because by the time I got to them, my legs were Jell-O.™ (And not the good kind, like… strawberry with chunks of fruit and whipped cream and chopped nuts. No. My legs were like the lame yellow gelatin you get when you’re in the hospital.)

I was relieved when it was time for the squats, but those were tough, too. Ten at a time ’til they were done.

Then I put away my toys and did some abs because I saw a woman at Deep Eddy yesterday who looked like a superhero on her day off. She wore a simple black 2-piece suit, abs and shouders tan and rippling. While I sat on the side of the pool with my book and swim dress, she swam laps and made me feel like a chump. So… abs.

10-lb. med ball situps:
25 cradles
25 overhead situps + Russian twist w/ 3 taps
10 overhead situps

Then I stretched, swallowed a Thermo-Plus, showered, turned myself into a girl with makeup/hair dryer, and ate a kickass Zone breakfast:
2 oz. roast turkey
1 cup 1% milk
9 almonds
1/2 cup blueberries
1/4 cup Fiber One cereal
plus glocosamine, fiber capsules, L-lysine, fish oil, multi-vitamin

Tomorrow, I run.

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